Canada’s Auditor General: meet Duard Weese
If you write a letter to Canada’s Auditor General via email, you get an email back that says the following in English and in French:
“We have received your inquiry. Please note:
- The Office of the Auditor General of Canada does not directly provide programs and services to the public.
- We respond to questions about what we do. Should your question be relevant to what we do, you can expect a response from us within 20 business days from the date we received your inquiry.
- We do not respond to inquiries relating to what we don’t do. Please direct your inquiries about Government of Canada activities, programs, services, and forms to Service Canada.
- If you are raising an issue you believe the Auditor General should audit, we may contact you for further information if required. Where we require further information, you can expect to hear from us within 20 business days from the date we received your inquiry.
- To protect our systems, we delete all emails containing unsolicited attachments.
- We do not forward messages to any Government of Canada organization, program, service, or representative.
- We do not respond to correspondence that contains offensive language or subject matter.
We thank you for your inquiry.”
This reply starts with what the Auditor General does not do. The reply makes 7 points explaining two things that they possibly will respond to and 5 things to which they don’t respond.
My recent letter to the Auditor General concerned a court case that was won by a Canadian in a dispute with the CRA. The win could have a positive impact on a significant group within Canada’s population. The Auditor General has already written about the issue
Here is how the Auditor General’s department replied:
“Good afternoon,
The Office of the Auditor General of Canada audits federal government departments and agencies, Crown corporations and other federal entities to determine whether they deliver programs and services to Canadians in an economical and efficient manner. The Office does not get involved in individual disputes, in matters of provincial or other jurisdictions, or in matters that are before the courts.”
The Auditor General’s office outlined one thing that they may do and three things that they don’t do. None of the latter three things they don’t do are relevant to my inquiry.
As I thought about the two emails I received, I started to think of Duard Weese. Duard was a fictional character played by comedian Joe Flaherty on the 1980’s comedy show: SCTV. He offered ‘designated driver’ services to drunk men in a fictional TV advertisement. The similarity between Duard and the Auditor General is one of both content choice and tone.
Duard Weese is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJKRp3tbMmI
Duard tells you in his ad about the three things he will do for a $25 fee and the six things he won’t do. The comedy is found in what he won’t do. Unlike Canada’s Auditor General, Duard at least begins with what he will do.
The Auditor General tells Canadians who write in what it won’t do but no one is laughing.
Canada’s Auditor General is funded by Canada’s federal government but does not report to the government. It reports to Parliament.
It is at the top of the parliamentary food chain. It has no direct accountability to the public.
This is why the Auditor General can start a reply to Canadians with a statement of what it does not do. Even the fictional Duard Weese could not do that.